Ironically

The things I said or write is mostly 'contradicted' with the atmosphere I feel or do;
like wise, when I write about my future, it's more likely I am in my 'worst' state of my 'consciousness' about my self: what am I going to do in the future, what I want to be, why I do that, bla bla bla..
I write as a part of 'control system', as the 'control signal' to manipulate the system condition in order to gain the set value.

hm, sou ne..